Before the Great Blessings--Comes the Great Trial. Right?

Dear Family,

Yesterday was the first day I've ever felt cold in HK! November 9th... the weather was dreary, threatening rain all day, drizzly, freezing...and the foreboding for the day was even worse.

Our new investigators, C. and A. (LA) have been flying through all the discussions all week. My journal entries from Sunday through Tuesday (almost) literally glow with excitement and thanks and faith.

We were shouting with joy on Tuesday--the Spirit was in abundance and we all were edified together. C. had successfully quit smoking and drinking alcohol, A. was ready to go back to church and really wanted to teach her children about Jesus; they both read in the Book of Mormon and prayed together every morning and night. It was as if they couldn't get ENOUGH of the righteous and pure, fervent and joyous LOVE of God that the Spirit was bringing in bucketloads. It was definitely the most Spirit-filled few days of my mission--of my life.

And then...

Yesterday, the minute we walked in we knew something was different. C. sat us down--A. declined to pray--and she told us she was worried. She had come to believe that because we came so often and got her all excited ("frenzied mind" as in Alma 30:16), she didn't want to get baptized so soon (Nov 20 was her date) and she had been online and found weird things about the church. She pulled out about 10 handwritten pages of questions--distorted stories about Joseph Smith, perverted deep doctrine, 40 wives and crystal balls and Masonry and Satan's lies and temptations and changes and confusion and we didn't even know where to start.

Interesting how the Spirit felt so wonderful while we were teaching, but when Satan intrudes, the feelings are all dark and angry.

And They Don't Notice The Difference?

We tried to open the scriptures to answer questions but the Spirit just wasn't there. More and more problems kept coming out--a friend from another church, whom she'd just invited to come see her baptism, had been praying for her to not get baptized (and THEN she started having these doubting feelings).

I don't know how to answer that, I don't even know how that works. I know evil comes from Satan and God allows it to happen--or at least, doesn't stop it when he COULD stop it. Why?--I hope and believe that it is because Satan "knows not the mind of God and thinketh to destroy his work" when he is actually furthering it.

I DO know that this is Truth and it has been restored. Yet I was struggling so hard to think of some rebuttals and scriptures and arguments.

See Richard G. Scott's The Sustaining Power of Faith Ether 12:6 Faith is things that are hoped for and not seen." In this talk he discusses the small things we can do to through trial to build faith.

One investigator was more confused than the other. C. finally came to terms with polygamy when we read D&C 132:34 (actually, SHE wanted to read this scripture because she'd found it as "the mormons teach polygamy in scriptures!" and it turned out great. It helped to have an explanation in context of the biblical practice--Abraham, etc), the Family Proclamation and Jacob 2:27-30 (which, if Joseph Smith had WRITTEN and not translated, would be contradicting himself)...

But A. just couldn't do it. She actually really reminded me of myself, in my darkest, doubting-est night... I still remember getting out of some religion class at BYU and sitting behind my dorm, the Regency, in my car just angry at everything. It seemed so wrong. I don't understand and I don't understand why God would make it so hard and complicated to believe.

Oh Ye of Little Faith...The last thing I wanted to do was pray, but there were some things I still knew. I knew the Book of Mormon was true because of my OWN experiences with it.

And from that experience, I knew that THIS was the only way to help them. They needed to try the experiment on the word and trust God to help them through, to guide them through the darkness as they took a step from the brightly lit way to the twilight of the unknown...

Oh, WOW! It was rough. At one point C. said, "Well, we can have the real lesson now, the one you were planning on about commandments and fasting and stuff" and A. retorted, "Why? If you don't believe it and you aren't gonna get baptized, there's NO POINT in learning more about this. It's wrong, Joseph Smith was an evil man."

She was to the point that she (and C., for a while) was falling into that subtle, subtle way of thinking that I hear so often on the street here--"It doesn't really matter what church you belong to, anyway, all that matters is that you believe in God".

But this line of thinking leads to King Noah's people's apostasy (which we actually got to share,) where Abinadai tells them, "I know if you keep the commandments you'll be saved." Why? Because THIS is faith! Faith isn't thinking about God and angels and harps and going to the church nearest to your house to eat brunch every Sunday.

Faith is feeding the poor and clothing the naked and being true to your spouse and serving your community and finding God in your life by keeping his commandments and sacrificing your doubt for a life of trust and resolution, it's standing up for the truth and LIVING like you know.

Even when there's no proof and no evidence and your ship is tossed, sails are torn, but you're ANCHORED to the Truth that doesn't change with a new presidency or a new fad or a new policy or a new decade.

I believe in Truth, and I believe God leads us along in every situation in life to help us understand this truth. No matter how far behind we are, how proud or halting or broken or stubborn our understanding, He works with us to help us grow.

Ahhh, rough. Rough as in I don't think I've ever experienced pain like that ever, ever, ever in my whole life. Finally, though, light dawned. I seriously feel like I'd been wrestling with Satan--and mainly just me, because Sister Chan is the kind of sweet and holy who has never had questions like this.

So, anyway, I'd been wrestling (wresting? no good!) with the scriptures and trying to find answers and not understanding and losing faith and not wanting to pray, and then Sister Chan came to the rescue.

Actually, Sister Chan finally just slid off the couch, plopped down on the ground and opened her water bottle, sucked it down and frankly said, "Hey, don't worry about it! There's no rush to get baptized and the most important thing is that we don't want you to BELIEVE US. We want you to actually have your own testimony.

We know that if you're seeking it, God will give it to you. No worries!"

C. brightened up a lot---actually, it felt like something dark and heavy was lifted from everyone in the room. Oh, yeah! There's no rush and the truth will set us free! Phew!!

THEN we shared about the ten commandments, families and chastity, fasting, obedience and service. Every time we read we made sure to note, "This is true, clean, honest, decent, correct, righteous, right? YES! Well _______ (Joseph Smith, living prophet, whoever) translated it--but it's GOD's word!" and the Spirit just testified to everyone all over the place.

this picture is back when I was in Tolo Harbor--taking C to the temple with Sister Black

She's also willing and OFFERED to keep meeting with us, keep coming to church and activities, keep reading the Book of Mormon and FAST tomorrow (today now) for this faith. We offered to fast with her and I've never fasted like this.

We're going to the temple today and we're going to see President Chan afterward (and take her pages of questions) to have him help us help her. I know every question has an answer--but this is not the issue. The issue is believing, having the strength of resolve and hope in God to believe without seeing YET. Satan is so powerful. It really is scary--but I know God is more powerful. God is Bigger Than The Boogie Man!

I know, and I really am finding here in Yuen Long, that we are sent as missionaries to fight him, face to face, for these souls' salvation. Despite how unworthy and unbelieving and prideful his servants are, he fights with and for us.

Thank God for fasting, prayer, the Book of Mormon in Chinese and the Spirit.

The standard has been erected, and no unhallowed hand can stop this work!! I love you all and I plead with you to pray for me.

Love forever,

Sister Darcey