Happy Baby Day!

Wow, God is so amazing.

I BLEW through my record number of inbox emails (sorry, all, for not spending more time with your thoughtful and wonderful messages!!)
because I have so much to express now (still only have 15 minutes left...).

I am losing it this week. I mean, really, really losing it. By Saturday morning I broke down and called Sister C (President's wife) about my hair because it's been getting so much worse. Combing my hair, showering, it all is kinda scary because my hair is really falling out. Kind of a trying-not-to-panic-funny kind of scary. Sister C was so wonderful about it--I'd run my hands through my hair and hold up handfuls that had come out, and then she'd do the same thing to my head (but not actually touch fingers to hair) and hold up nothing and say, "See?? The problem isn't with your HAIR, it's with your HANDS." haaaaaa!

Anyway, by Saturday it was kind of not funny anymore. It's been getting worse with my stress level, and led to random spurts of crying in the middle of the day and really horrible mood swings and seriously feeling anxious... all the time. Sister C said it's stress, asked if I wanted to talk to the psychiatrist, I said no (everyone has stress... I just felt dumb for not being able to deal with it) and I got a blessing that day. Elder K basically said in the blessing that I will very soon... have a lot more trials (this is exactly the feeling I got from my patriarchal blessing after re-reading it that day, actually) but that God wanted me to learn to trust him.

I can't even count how many people have told me some variation of, "Just let go, let God take care of it, put it in his hands, stop worrying," but I realized (Thursday morning as I was leaving to get my baby) that I'm losing the ability or clarity of mind or something to prioritize, to leave things to God, to decide what's important and let everything else go. On a mission, especially as senior companion, especially (I was thinking) AS A MOM, I have to take care of everything and everyone. EVERYTHING is urgent, now, important, cannot be dropped... it's seriously making me lose my mind, as in my peace, calm, ability to reason and discern, etc.

I was a little late to the Thursday breakfast to get my baby, and I must admit as I walked by the open door of the cultural hall I considered walking right past it and going back out the door, back onto the train and back to New Territories, telling President C on the phone the next day that I couldn't do this and I was just messing up my area, that I didn't want to go home but I couldn't deal with failing so many people I loved over and over. But I went in (Elder B ushered me in, that awesome sucker) and sat down and I met my baby.

And fell totally in love with her. And the miracles started. It felt like standing in a waterfall. As soon as we got on the train to get her ID, I started talking to a man who, we found out, had been to Salt Lake City, gotten a Book of Mormon, read a little, didn't understand, met with missionaries once but lost contact with them and wanted to find out more about the Book of Mormon. We got him a Book of Mormon pamphlet, more information and a reading assignment and had to get off the train with our heads spinning and the Spirit just overflowing.

We had to go to the airport--kind of a big deal, since I've never been there before and we didn't have a native to help us with directions and I didn't even have a MAP AND it's about 4 hours away by who knows train bus boat whatever. But for some reason I was feeling capable and light and joyful and excited and though my new companion (her name's Sister C, by the way, from Florida, and she is so awesome) kept apologizing for leaving her scriptures on the plane (so we had to go get them at the lost and found) I didn't even think about what a mah faahn (bother) and potentially disaster it was going to be. It was just exciting and an adventure!!

We were tugging her 50 pound suitcase with us, too--made it all the way to Tsing Yi, then I talked to a MTR employee to try to figure out how to get to the airport. Somehow I immediately understood everything he was explaining, even though he was talking about places I'd never been or heard of, and all REALLY quickly. It was amazing.

The MOST amazing, though, was what happened next--we prayed, because I didn't know where to go and I just

wanted a little peace. As we prayed, I felt we should take the Airport Express--which is crazy, because it costs 60 DOLLARS for ONE STOP EACH PERSON. But as adverse as I am to spending, I felt totally at peace with that decision.

We Got on, and met two girls going to the airport because they were heading back to mainland--and gave them each a Book of Mormon and almost all the pamphlets we had. They were searching for Christ, and we got to be a little part in introducing them to Him.

Amazing, I'm so grateful, I'm so humbled. I love this companion and I'm so excited for this challenge. I'm trying to put it all back in God's hands. Pray, pray, pray.

Love, all

Sister Darcey