Two other sister missionaries talked after me and a group of lovely people (Cami, Mati, Ian, Brock, Tasha, Brian, I accompanied) provided a beautiful musical number ("Be Still My Soul").
The stuff in italics is what I remembered about what I added in while I was speaking. Unfortunately, it still won't really be anything like the actual talk. I wish you all could have been there, and especially that I had called my parents while it was going on.
My Farewell Talk, given 30 Jan 2011 in the Kamas 1st Ward at 9 am.
I've never experienced a shorter Sacrament, I think. I kept expecting them to say another prayer, or something, but then it was my turn to talk... [uproarious laughter].
My message today, to both you and me, is to trust God.
In the words of President Uchtdorf:
"Today I would like to speak to those who have ever felt inadequate, discouraged, or weary—in short, all of us…Sometimes it can seem nearly impossible to avoid being overwhelmed by…suffering and sorrow. I am not suggesting that we simply flip a switch and stop the negative feelings that distress us. This isn’t an attempt to encourage those sinking in quicksand to imagine instead they are relaxing on a beach. I recognize that in all of our lives there are real concerns… hearts here today that harbor deep sorrows, fears [and] loneliness. These things are not insignificant. However, I would like to speak about… principles that may help you find a path to peace, hope, and joy—even during times of trial and distress.”
First, I want to remind you of Ester. I have a special connection with this scripture story because it was my very first talk, at five years old, offered bravely in Primary from a piece of paper with half words, half pictures. Ester was my favorite Disney princess. I think someone at some point let me know she wasn't actually a Disney character... Let’s just turn to the Bible Dictionary explanation so you can read along. "Ahasuerus (I'm sure my brother would know how to pronounce that name) king of Persia had decided to divorce his queen Vashti because she refused to show her beauty to the people and the princes. Esther, adopted daughter of Mordecai the Jew, was chosen as her successor, on account of her beauty. Haman, chief man at the king's court, hated Mordecai and obtained a decree to put all Jews to death. Esther, at great personal risk, revealed her own nationality and obtained a reversal of the decree." Let's turn to Esther 4:14-16....you can turn with me if you want, it'd probably be less boring than watching me flip pages.. Here we go, so Mordecai says, "who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this? Then Esther bade them return Mordecai this answer, Go, gather all the Jews that are present in Shushan, and fast ye for me, and neither eat nor drink three days, night or day: I also and my maidens will fast likewise; and so will I go in unto the king, which is not according to the law, and if I perish, I perish" Ester was willing to put her life on the line to fulfill the calling God had given her. Her words remind me of her next door neighbor in the Old Testament, Job, in chapter thirteen, verse fifteen: “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in Him,” and of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in Daniel 3 as they proclaim their allegiance to their Creator at all costs.
How can I develop this level of trust in God?
- My mission plaque scripture is Romans 1:16—I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek—but I’ve been rethinking it as I truly prepare to serve. I am not ashamed, surely, but I am nervous, and prideful, and frightened, and weak, self-conscious and selfish, inadequate.
- I was humbled last Sunday listening to another servant of the Lord—this one leaving on her second mission to Germany, this time with her dear husband. In the nearly forty years since her 21 year-old mission, she’s experienced stunning miracles—she told us story after story of 5% chances of survival, choosing to pay tithing instead of buying food, close calls and car wrecks, stunning rescues and saved lives. Her theme was Proverbs 3:5-6—trust in the Lord with all thy heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Next to her, I feel very small in my trust in God, indeed.
- More often than not in the past year or so, I’ve felt that God “pleads the fifth” in his answers to MY prayers--letting me wander alone through the dark wilderness--as one poet wrote, “Far from home, in the nighttime of fear, amid th’encircling gloom.” In this time of confusion, I reached out myself in verse and wrote a kind of hymn or prayer. It isn’t flawless—it isn’t even very artful—but it did describe my feeling of being lost, and it may describe something you or someone you know is going through now.
o POEM: I need thy peace to comfort me.
Through times of strife and agony—you share my load, make eyes to see,
echo my cries at Calvary.
Bethesda’s cripple, leper scorned,
a widow’s tears, a child forlorn,
an aching heart by world torn—
you buy my peace with crown of thorns.
Holy Redeemer, Father, friend—I give my soul to thee to mend.
The strife of mending further rends,
but I will trust thee at the end.
Oh, Savior, stay with me this night.
Though stars grow dim, thou art my light.
Though wings grow tired from worldly flight,
with thee I soar to heavenly heights.
Holy Master, calm the sea. Thy word is joy, thy Spirit peace.
There is peace in the Savior's words, "Come unto me, ye weary, and I will give thee rest."
...I have no idea how much time I've used. I put Tasha in charge of that (Tasha's crying and shrugs). Great. I'll just talk for about fifteen more minutes, OK? [uproarious laughter again].
- I love this expression of Mormon's in 3 Nephi 5:13—“Behold, I am a disciple of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. I have been called of him to declare his word among his people, that they might have everlasting life.” I loved this scripture because it described exactly my present experience--but I'd like to challenge you today to consider how it applies to YOU. What is your mission? Who have you been called to aid in coming back to the Father? Your mission is not small; it is great beyond your wildest imaginings. As you (and I) come to realize the scope of our potential, the next realization is surely: I cannot do it alone.
- C.S. Lewis agrees: “We may, indeed, be sure that perfect chastity, perfect charity, perfect goodness will not be attained by any merely human efforts. You must ask for God’s help. Even when you have done so, it may seem to you for a long time that no help, or less help than you need, is being given. [How often I have felt ignored or forgotten, alone and weary in my trials and attempts]. Never mind. After each failure, ask forgiveness, pick yourself up, and try again. Very often what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again….this process [of failure and trying again] trains us… cures our illusions about ourselves and teaches us to depend on God.”
I. I believe God asks us to be perfect not because we are capable of being perfect,
but because he wants us to learn to depend on him.
“Dearly beloved, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for His arm to be revealed” (D&C 123:17).
“Let your heart be comforted…for all flesh is in mine hands; be still and know that I am God...fear not, even unto death, for in this world your joy is not full, but IN ME your joy is full. Therefore...seek the face of the Lord always, that in patience ye may possess your souls, and ye shall have eternal life" (D&C 101:13-16).
Stand still, be comforted, trust me. Be patient, be humble. Have faith.
Take one step in the dark, then another. All will be revealed in time.
In his talk, “Continue in Patience,” dear President Uchtdorf noted, “Often the deep valleys of our present will be understood only by looking back on them from the mountains of our future experience. Often we can’t see the Lord’s hand in our lives until long after trials have passed. Often the most difficult times of our lives are essential building blocks that form the foundation of our character and pave the way to future opportunity, understanding, and happiness.”
I testify that this is true. God is our Father, and he loves us perfectly. Our understanding is flawed, constrained by time, confused, selfish and small, but his is perfect. I testify that he loves you, and he will give you what you need to learn to trust in him.
I was recently taught at the MTC by a Chinese sister going to the Oakland California visitor’s center. Her English was halting, but her message was clear. Sister Lee told us over and over: “God loves you! When you get sad, you forget. But be patient and humble, humble, humble.”
The Apostle Paul gave the purpose of patience in his epistle to the Saints in Rome: “We glory in tribulations … knowing that tribulation worketh patience; “And patience, experience; and experience, hope” (Rom. 5:3–4).
[ didn't actually use this in my talk, but I like it: C.S. Lewis brought to my attention the idea, which I believe, that He is able to see what is best for us because he has a far more broad view of our lifespans (may seem obvious, but hold on): if I am steadily, but slowly, getting more irritable or more selfish, by 85 it may not be so bad—but in a million years, I’ll be absolutely intolerable. In this way, we become our own Hell. God can see so much more clearly our potential, our mission and our purpose—as well as our eternal significance. + house quote + Ether 12 + Hebrews 11 “Not obeying in order to be saved, but because He has begun to save you already. Not hoping to get to Heaven as a reward for your actions, but inevitably wanting to act in a certain way because a first faint gleam of Heaven is already inside you.” C.S. Lewis]
This last quote I want to share will, I hope, crystallize what I've tried to share today about trusting in God.
Elder D. Todd Christofferson quoted his mother in a recent C.E.S. fireside. She survived radical cancer surgery, followed by dozens of painful radiation treatments. The suffering woman recalled telling her own mother, “Oh, mother, I can’t stand having sixteen more of those treatments.” Her mother replied, “Can you go today?” “Yes.” “Well, honey, that is all you need to do today.” [30 sec]
One more time. One more step. One more failure and one more attempt.
“Fear not to do good, my sons, for whatsoever ye sow, that shall ye also reap; therefore, if ye sow good, ye shall also reap good for your reward. Therefore, fear not little flock, do good--[one more time, and once more, trust God again] let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail. Behold, I do not condemn you, go your ways and sin no more; perform with soberness the work which I have commanded you [for every one is commanded a work]. Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not [one more step in the darkness--trust me, trust me, even if your work is in China]. Behold the wounds which pierced my side, and also the prints of the nails in my hands and feet; be faithful, keep my commandments, and ye shall inherit the kingdom of heaven.” D&C 6:33-36
Like President Uchtdorf, “I have a simple faith. I believe that as you are faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments of God, as you draw closer to Him in faith, hope, and charity, things will work together for your good…Discouragement, inadequacy, and weariness will give way to a life of meaning, grace, and fulfillment” (Oct 2008, RS Conf).
I know that God lives and loves us and gives us what we need to learn to trust him completely. The Lord is on thy side! with patience bear your cross of grief or pain. Leave to thy God to order and provide, for truly, no matter what else changes, he will remain with you through it all. Eventually the sorrow and anguish and darkness will melt away to a joyful end.
I am thankful for my family and friends and for the beautiful examples of faith and trust and honesty I see daily--each of you shows me a little bit more of God's love. I testify of these things in the name of my Savior Jesus Christ, Amen.
